flickering by

earth is lush
verdant after yesterdays
heavy clouds thunder and rain
as refreshing as your sigh
and the cool comfort of your skin
the easy rise and fall of your breast
gently as you slept in my arms

those gray days of lightning
at sunrise near the western beach
at malibu and big sur and even inner city
where smog made snow capped mountains obscure
to the vision of natives and transients
without discrimination

Yet, your laughter at sunrise
and against purple and orange sunsets
over pacific waves relentlessly pounding
rocks and sand and mudslides and earthquakes
made it all bearable and as beautiful
as God intended it to be to eyes of the blind

In the deep night sky sometimes
the stars were bright and as endless
as our hearts beat one rhythm, one song
I knew all that I have now forgotten
the sweetness of your touch
how to feel endless depths of your soul
with every breath of my limited vision

how to unbridle emotions letting them run free
like stampeding herds of mustang young and wild
pounding their hooves against the hard earth
at full gallop shattering the moon
shattering every pane of defense I clung to so desperately
with fear that one morning you would be only a memory

I never liked the idea of broken dreams or of pain
of small creatures crushed under wild hooves of steel
hooves that crush the fragile curtain of soul
my soul where the still waters run after rain
and lovely buds appear tender and fragile
full of color and fragrance and anticipation of morning dew

after all, these rivers run deep and cleverly hidden
beneath an illusion of peaceful waters
where neither breath nor sunlight nor rain
has been the same since I shut the door and locked it tight
against the pacific I left behind many lives ago

somewhere in a dark corner lies the remnant
of the immense volume of my vibrant soul
that only on certain days as I cross bridges
high above the Delaware or the great Susquehanna
only when I accidentally look down and see
my vague reflection in the smooth shiny waters
do I see the innocence of the me that was,
of the you that somehow disappeared all too soon

only then do I realize that this earth is lush
that the grass is velvet and green
and the leaves shiver and shimmer with anticipation
as the bright red sun sinks into the horizon
and the sky fades into darkness